So today while I was on my break I looked out the window (I work on the 9th floor) and you can see the rooftops below on the close by buildings. My boss came over and told me in spring time you can watch the birds nest and lay their eggs, then you can see them hatch and learn to fly. reason number 839576934 why I love this job.

On another note, I’m the healthiest I’ve been in a long time. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. I’ve completely accepted the fact that I’m not a stick figure, and having a little extra weight on me is a lot less to compromise than mentally fucking myself trying to form this flawless, picture perfect person. I love this city and I never want to leave, I have an amazing job and see nothing but a promising future in every aspect of my life. The best decision I ever made was to leave that place, leave all the things that were holding me back, and the friends that weren’t even real friends anymore, and probably never really were. The only thing that is against me is having my kitty so far away from me. Hopefully that will change very, very soon, because I miss her so much. I can’t even comprehend missing anything the amount that I miss her. 

Also thinking about getting a tattoo next week, I think I’m much overdue for a new one.

Tonight I painted my nails and toes a dark plum colour. I’m terrible at nail painting but I actually did okay this time. It’s getting really cold here, today it was in the low 40’s and it’s not even considered winter yet. I love it though, makes me feel so cozy. I start work on monday, so I’m taking advantage of my last week of no responsibilities. I am really excited to start working again, having money again, all those real life things we’re supposed to do. I miss my cat, I miss my things, so that is motivation enough to get this show on the road. Tomorrow I’m taking Kasey to the airport, he’s flying to LA for the weekend. I heard it was 90 in CA today, sux 2 b u guyz.

Tonight I have constant comment, the fireplace, and good ol’ Hamlet keeping me company.

Lets see. Lately I’ve been locked away in my layer doing an abundance of crafting, pampering, room decorating & movie watching. I barely have any time to myself working 6 days a week, so any spare time I have I’m using as productively as possible.

Polly has been acting very peculiar lately. Normally at night around 8 o’clock she’s ready to come to bed. Her normal routine is to lay on the right upper side with me while I’m up & doing things like on the computer, making things, etc. When I’m ready to go to sleep around 9:30 to 10:30 pm, she moves to the end of the bed below my feet. She wakes me up around 1 to 2 am to let her out, & wants back in around 3 am. Then I wake up at 5 am and she usually lays in bed until I leave for work. So for the past couple of nights, she has been completely back-ass-wards. She wants out of my room around 9pm, scratches on the door around 11 to 12 to let her in, plays in my room for an hour or so, then curls up by my chest to go to sleep until I awake. I’m convinced it has something to do with that little blonde ghost girl. I don’t mind, I’m glad she has a new friend.

In real world news, taxes & car registration is done; thank the gods. I owe the IRS $12.00, Shmeh.

Well tumblr, I’m going to drive home for lunch, it’s one of those 11 am wine drinking days. Toodles!

Well I went to the thrift store after work to find that they close at 2pm on the weekdays >.< Good news is they are open until 3pm on Saturdays so I’ll be going there then. Instead I went home and took at nice bath. I lit candles, deep conditioned my hair with moroccan oil, & threw some fig plant stems in the water as well. It was so relaxing; MUCH needed pampering. I removed the old clasps on my purse strap that broke last week and put new ones on, read the a few chapters of my anthropology book, & ate 2 platefuls of broccoli lathered with some low sodium soy sauce. It was a nice way to end my day that started off sort of terrible.

Today I’m thinking I’ll clean my make up brushes, finish my laundry, and read the rest of that book. Dinner is going to be broccoli, broccoli and more broccoli.

Avior tumblr, I’m off to lunch. Oh, and Happy Saint Patty’s day!

Yesterday was awesome. Annette and I played hooky from work and went to Melrose. We went to necromance which is a sort of creepy taxidermy store. I was in absolute heaven; spent way too much money. (photos will be posted later) I bought a red silver fox tail, a snow white skinned fox head, a jared bat, a framed bat, a “puss in boot” framed picture, a cat book, and some essential oils. Interesting enough, I got home and one of my roommates commented on the “hippocracy” of a vegetarian owning animal “decor.” Let me explain, I don’t eat animals for myself, not for the animals. I’m not a part of PETA. I don’t eat meat because I think it’s disgusting. I find chewing on the flesh of an animal and picking at the pasteurized meat off of their bones absolutely repulsive. On the contrary, I find taxidermy interesting and beautiful; and it is in no way entering my body.

ANYWHO… ex-naiad the strawberry blonde idea, I went to a very light ash blonde instead. It’s a nice change, I’m glad goldie-locks is no more.(Photos will also be posted later) Thinking of shaving one side, or throwing some purple underneath the left side O_o we shall see.

Hrm. My lack of writing is coming from the lack of an ability to word my feelings lately. My grandfather died last Wednesday. It’s funny, I don’t get emotional about death, like at all. Death is inevitable, a fact of life rather. For someone that dies of old age it isn’t a surprise. Old age is beautiful, and something that should be respected. You live your life and you get old and you die. Period. But my reason for even bothering to write this is because lying in his hospital bed, he confesses to me that before he married my grandmother he changed his last name and burned all reminisce of his life before her because he was a Russian Jew. MY RUSSIAN GRANDFATHER MARRIED MY GERMAN GRANDMOTHER RIGHT AFTER WWII. Which means since my grandfather on my mother’s side was half Russian, I am like, 60-some-odd percent Russian. Thank the gods my grandfather on my father’s side carries the Jewish genes so I’m in the clear, but how remarkable! I am so excited, and so pissed off it’s been such a unreasonably hidden secret for so long. I mean understandingly so considering those times, but times have changed and to think such an amazing thing was so close to be taken to the grave is such a shame. It makes you think, what else don’t I know about heritage?

In other news, I gave in and got a job. Annette and I are both working under the table for another sketchy warranty company. $2000.00 a month cash plus UI = financial security which makes more sense than living solely on unemployment struggling to make ends meet. I’m giving up my time and sanity for money -sigh- only a few more months until our lease is up and then it’s time for healing my mind.

Also, I’m thinking it’s time for a hair color change. Strawberry blonde sounds fun, but I’d also like to try a really ash blonde, like almost gray. We shall see.

Well tumblr, talk about bi-polar…

Last night I went from wikipedia-ing suicide, to being awkwardly asked for n00dz, which triggered my fedupness with people to the extreme of deactivating my facebook account, then I discovered some awesome freak-folk music that led to taking a happy-sleepy pill that made me content with my fucked up life for about 15 minutes until I fell asleep.

Currently laying in an oversize bed at my grandparents humble abode, watching law & order, feeling fine considering the circumstances.. I officially have no friends, no life, almost no money, and no place to live in 27 days. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I think I’m going to finish off my night with a face mask and some new tunes. I can lose everything, but I refuse to lose myself in the process.

Today was okay I suppose. Got 2 things done out of the never-ending list. Feeling particularly unproductive… I know I have to figure out what the fuck I am going to do with this so called life soon and procrastination is getting the best of me.

-sigh-

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Today was good. Drove my drunk best friend to get my birthday present and cake. Then came home, uploaded drunken film. Laughed and blushed a bunch..

Then I started to let my mind wander and I got weirdly discouraged about my evening and decided I’d rather be miserable than give into this unwanted agenda. Typical me, rather suffer silently then give in.

Currently watching deleted scenes to forgetting sarah marshall, a little out if my element if you know what I mean..

Birthday in 9 minutes..woo……..

Feeling particularly strange tonight;

I have been overwhelmed with an emotional whirlwind for the past few months. I believe mercury went into retro-grade and my life has been unbalanced and in-tamable since then. When I was younger and life would periodically throw me to the wolves, I would deal with these trials with some extent of poise & problem solving ability. Although I was still constantly miserable to say the least; I don’t remember being so… fragile? Maybe I was, I just don’t recall. But now I feel as if I am a weakling, an emotionally unstable freak that can’t handle day to day life let alone any extent of hardship. I feel like I hit my mid-life crisis at age 18 and as a result my wrinkles are starting to show.

In conclusion:

confused about who I am, what I want, where I want to be is a vague start to where my feelings currently stand.

Goodnight, private tumblr.